Expectations

From whom does one have an expectation? Generally it is from self, children, spouse, colleagues, teachers and friends etc.

Based on conditioning there will be some expectations set, where one is expected to have moral values, be rich, and be successful and so on. These expectations are set by parents, competition amongst siblings, peers and experiences during the growing years and beyond. Obvious is the influence of parents but in a subtle manner the other factors also come into play. When we become aware of these factors, one needs to re-evaluate these expectations and set reasonable expectations from one’s own self; else we may land up being unhappy trying to satisfy unreasonable expectations. For example a child who has seen criticism for non-achievement and praise for good marks by the people he interacts with, be it parents, teachers or peers may grow up with the attitude that to fail in something is not acceptable, so instead if effort could be appreciated and acceptance taught for results either ways then the child will stay more balanced. But as we grow older we need to become aware of such impressions in our mind and overcome our conditioning and set our expectations right to live a fuller and happier life.

The personality of the individual is moulded by many factors be it genes, parents, competition, peers and experiences of life etc.and to what extent, will depend on the unique abilities of each individual to respond to these influences. Some are very vulnerable and are quick to get influenced while others may be overconfident and not care. While there will be a few who could choose to learn from the right influences.  

Given that the personality of each individual is moulded by so many factors, it is strange when we begin to expect so many things out of another individual be it our child, spouse, teachers, colleagues or friends.

For example our own child has influences which go beyond the confines of our home and has the genes of not one but two different individuals with their specific ancestors. As parents we begin to think we have made these children and begin to have expectations of them which in a way seem unfair. Like mentioned by many a great person whose words bring a new understanding which is, we were just a means for our children to come into existence and need to support and guide them but beyond that we need to simply celebrate the joy of watching them grow and drop all expectations.

Similarly expectations from a spouse are so evident and are set as per the culture one belongs to. For example a man is supposed to earn and a woman is supposed to be cook and care for kids. These expectations have been set based on various factors over the years and are specific to the culture and these expectations in a way are worked out before two persons get into wedlock. And after that the story could pretty much be “they happily live ever after...”, if we could give attention to two things

1. Do not take your spouse for granted – Simple fact to be understood is that the person we are married to has his/her own personality which has been made not in a moment but over the years and in fact generations. And marriage in no way begins to mean ownership of the spouse, it is so typical to see couples take each other for granted which is a shame, instead if one could develop an attitude of gratitude for being lucky to have a person with whom we can share our joys and sorrows, then we will constantly learn to use the words and mean them like please, “thank you” and let the simple gestures convey the words “Love You”
2. Second is Expectations – Simple we can drop them and we could make arrangements like two friends on what would work best which would help  us as a couple to have a life that suits living together. For example, the wife expects the husband to build them a beautiful house while the husband is a chill out guy, happy to just have fun and live every day peacefully, so is this expectation correct, yes, if it is from one’s own self and no, if we choose to want something and are expecting the spouse to forcibly share our dream and also slog for it.

A couple could ensure that both are pitching in, in a fair manner for the common responsibilities like running of their home ,tasks , finances, kids and so on and at the same time ensure they have their own time and space to do what they want to do with absolute freedom. So the understanding here moves from a selfish point of view to a fair one where both share their lives in a just manner and then each one continues to pursue their dreams and passions independently. This is easier said then done J but if even one person becomes aware then with patience and understanding slowly the transformation can begin.

There are many things which could waste our precious moments of living together be it with parents, children, spouse, colleagues or friends and one of them seems to be expectations, so why not re-evaluate expectations and enjoy our moments of togetherness knowing that the best part of interacting with another individual is that he/she has a personality that is unique and when we can view that personality without judgement, maybe there is something special to discover that we have never known all through the ages that we have interacted with them J.